The Door

As I approached the door, I was struck by layers of emotions that could fill hours of analysis but intertwined to direct my hand in a crucial moment. Looking back, I can see each piece more clearly.

I felt excitement at the possibility of seeing her in person after several months.

I felt anxiousness about moving our relationship beyond friendly acquaintance.

I felt caution to not overstep while the dust settled around a serious medical diagnosis.

I felt grief over my recently deceased mother-in-law and tried to keep the two women separate in my mind.

I felt confident that whatever the future held for us, I could handle it.

I knocked, but there was no answer. Taking a moment, I looked around at the charming home — one level, small carport, bushes and trees around, situated on a lake. I had never been there before, and I started to think about if this dwelling fit the narrative about her in my mind.

I knocked again. Still no answer. I stepped away to check my messages. The text from the night before was there confirming what I knew. This was the right time and place. I messaged back to see if something changed, but no response came.

I approached the house again. The car was in the driveway, not that she was supposed to be driving, but she had a mind of her own. I walked around the the house to see if there was another entrance I was missing. The door I was trying to use was off the carport. I didn’t find another way in. The windows were closed, and the lights were on.

I took a second to think things through. She probably forgot. Maybe something came up. Or perhaps she wasn’t ready. Maybe she fell asleep or was resting. Who knows how her medication affected her. I should go and reschedule. One more try first.

I knocked and waited. No answer. I was going to walk away. I planned to walk away. But something inside me told me to try the door to see if it was unlocked. I was very uncomfortable with this level of intrusion. Were we close enough for me to walk in? Was this the wrong move? Was I overthinking everything? I hate conflict. I didn’t want to try the door. But I knew in that moment, I had to.

As I turned the knob, the door opened. I knocked and called out, “Hello! It’s Tara!” From far down the hall, I heard a familiar but altered voice respond, “Here!”